Love

11 Signs You're Stuck On Someone From Your Past

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Confident woman alone outdoors

It's been ages since you were in a relationship. Or you left your partner recently and wonder about dating again.

How do you decide the best timing for taking action to find love? And are there signs you’re not ready for a new relationship?

The truth is many of the signs letting you know you're not ready aren't that obvious. The clues can be subtle, and you might choose to ignore them. Rather than investing time in the healing process, a lot of women jump into a new relationship to dull the pain.

If you are dreaming of finding a new and lasting love, be sure you are in a good place mentally and emotionally. Healing first allows your heart to be open, which is far more powerful for attracting a healthy romantic partner.

RELATED: 6 Honest Signs You're Not Ready For A Relationship ... Yet

11 signs you've got some healing to do before your next relationship can thrive

So, what are the signs that let you know you're not ready? If you look at your behaviors below and notice any of the 11 indicators, you probably still have some healing to do.

1. You still follow your ex on social media.

You are not over your last relationship if you can't stop checking his social. Who is he with? What is he up to? This is a clear sign that your heart is not completely healed or you wouldn't care much about he's doing.

2. You can't find anyone interesting.

You swipe and swipe, but the people are so unappealing! Nobody seems to capture your attention and you put your phone down and give up. This is like a flashing neon sign that you're not ready. If you were, you'd see possibilities in some of your prospects.

RELATED: 9 Signs You’re Ready To Start Dating Again After A Breakup

3. You talk trash about men.

It's so easy to fall into this habit with your girlfriends. Talking about how all men are unworthy scoundrels feels comfortable, like an episode of HBO's Sex in the City. But is this true? When you think all men are lazy, cheat, or lie, etc., that's a huge red flag that you're still hurt and not open to love yet.

4. You don't want to give up any freedom.

Being in a loving relationship requires some amount of compromise, which is healthy and to be expected. However, if you are guilty of over-giving in the past and sacrificing your own needs, you may feel unwilling to give up any freedom. 

While that's understandable, it's also a symptom that you’re not ready for a new relationship.

RELATED: How To Tell If You're Truly Ready To Start Dating Again

5. You are easily offended by men.

All too often, men say the wrong thing and that triggers you. The guys you meet make you wonder if there is a man alive who knows how to talk to women. If this sounds like you, take time to heal your wounds before dating again.

6. You scrutinize every profile.

Dissecting every profile like you are a detective is a surefire way to keep yourself safe and single. No one can hold up to this kind of analysis. When you’re ready for love, you see possibilities in at least 20% of the prospects or more.

RELATED: 5 Things You Must Do To Start Dating Again After Heartbreak

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7. You've got nothing to wear on a hot date.

When love has not been a priority, you might not have anything in your closet that is date worthy. Your allure and feeling desirable as a woman are essential for connecting with the right partner. If you only have work clothes and loungewear, you’re not ready to date.

8. You leave your matches hanging.

You're super busy with work, volunteering, your spiritual life, or your children. Who has time to date? So, you often don't respond to matches for days.

Unfortunately, the attraction has a "shelf life," which is about 24 hours when dating online or the apps. If you can't get back to people to keep a conversation going or pick a time to meet, you're not serious about love right now. That's okay, just admit it to yourself.

RELATED: Why I Should Have Told You That I Wasn't Ready To Love You

9. You meet matches, but none hold your attention.

Currently active, you are meeting men and dating. Yet, no one seems quite right. Since none of the matches captivate you, you keep swiping and feel like you'll never find The One.

Occasionally, this is a matter of timing. But in other cases, this is a subtle indication you're not in the right head space for a new relationship.

10. You test men in the first few messages.

Being clever, you create hurdles to jump in the first few messages to weed out your matches. These are tests, and if a prospect passes, then you're willing to continue getting to know them.

However, no one really passes the test. Doing this alerts you to an internal conflict about love. Even though you have a strong desire for a new relationship, you put up barriers to connecting. Unfortunately, that means you are not ready.

RELATED: Stop Looking! Love Isn't Something You Find — Love Finds You

11. You can't imagine having sex.

If you haven't been in a relationship for a long time, your desire for intimacy may have dwindled. This happens. So, if you can't imagine having sex again, this is unmistakable evidence you're not open to a relationship at this time.

The good news is you can rekindle desire and when you do, you'll be ready again!

Now that you know these 11 subtle signs mean the timing isn't right for love, be good to yourself. Take time to heal. Releasing old wounds and rebuilding confidence and self-love, ensures you attract better quality prospects. That's how you find the kind of lasting love you've been dreaming about.

RELATED: 25 Sure Signs You're Really, Truly — Finally — Ready For A Relationship

Ronnie Ann Ryan, Love and Intuitive Coach and Past Life Reader who helps clients learn more about spirituality and your past lives. She is also the author of the free book 7 Ways Your Past Lives Affect Your Love Life Today.

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