The Brutal Truth About Why You Should Never Ask A Man Out

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Love

Is there a guy who flirts with you but never asks you out, leaving you wondering if you should ask him out again?

Maybe you met a man when you were out with friends, and he stuck by your side all night ... but never asked for your number. Or a guy started messaging you on Facebook but hasn’t done anything more? And it’s driving you crazy!

Why do men do this? They act like they have a romantic interest in you, but don’t take that important next step to go out with you.

This happens to every woman looking for love and is a common and frustrating dating issue. You're spending time maybe even hours talking with your girlfriends trying to figure out why he hasn’t asked you out.

My heart goes out to you, and I feel your pain. I was single at 40 and this kind of male behavior leads to a lot of anxiety. I’ve been in your shoes and the mixed signals men send can push your buttons as nothing else can.

Most women start guessing why a man is holding back. Chances are, you end up thinking, “He must be shy. Why else would a man flirt, text or message so much but never ask me out?" This is certainly a logical conclusion, and I understand why you landed here.

But as a dating coach, one thing I know for sure is that 99.9% of men who seem interested yet don’t ask you out do have a reason. And those reasons are why you shouldn't ask a guy out.

Here are several possible reasons that may be keeping him from taking that next step with you and why you shouldn't ask a guy out:

RELATED: I'm A Feminist, But I'm Done Asking Guys Out

1. He already has a steady girlfriend, a woman he lives with, or a wife.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of that.

2. He doesn’t want to date or get into a relationship right now.

He probably just wants to talk with no pressure to be committed or forced into something he isn't ready for. And neither do you.

3. He’s just boosting his own ego by flirting or texting with you and others.

Yeah, this one is kind of icky. But it could be why he hasn't asked you out, so be upfront with him if you feel like this is the reason.

4. He thinks you’re attractive and fun, but not his type.

Unfortunately, you could be awesome and wonderful, but just not his type. That's not your fault.

5. He’s fantasizing about you without physically cheating on another woman.

Those are just a few reasons and disadvantages of asking a guy out...

For the most part, if men aren't happy with the status quo, they take action to change it. That’s what men do — they go after what they want. They pursue the women they want to date (or at least sleep with).

So does this help you more fully understand that if he’s not asking you on a date, it's because he just doesn’t want to?

Think about it. If he were too shy, would he be brave enough to flirt? Would he reach out to you on Facebook or on a dating site? No, not at all.

He’s manly enough for those things, which means he’s brave enough to ask you out. He’s just choosing not to.

OK, I hear you. Maybe he is afraid of rejection. Maybe he was emotionally beaten up by his last relationship and now feels “gun shy” about asking you out. Or maybe he hit a bad patch and no one has said yes to him recently. As time goes by, he’s less likely to take a shot in case he might get rejected again.

Hmmm, does that sound like the kind of confident man you want to spend time with? I hope you just said, “No."

Let’s say you still don’t believe me.

You feel a compelling urge burning in your soul that must be acted upon.

So if you've already asked a man out once, should you ask him out again or wait?

If you are wondering, "Should I ask him out or wait for him to ask me?", Never, ever ask the same man out more than once! I know that puts a damper to conforming to gender roles, but there are reasons behind it.

If it turns out that he was shy or afraid of rejection, asking him out will let him know you like him. You are now a sure thing. No matter how much fun you both have if you go, do not ask him again.

That's why you shouldn't ask a guy out more than once because if he knows you’d say yes, and that's still not enough motivation to get him to ask you out again, then take that lack of action as a sign. It’s a clear message that he doesn’t want more ... with you, or maybe anyone.   

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RELATED: How To Ask A Guy Out Without Sounding Totally Desperate

That said, when it comes to online dating and dating apps, if 7 to 10 days have gone by since you first "matched," asking to meet is a time saver.

He’ll either agree or disappear. However, do not continue to text without a date being set, because he’s just going to waste your time.

The difference with dating sites and is this first encounter is not a real first date.

You are simply cutting through further fruitless communication (even if it is fun) to meet. Most experts refer to a first meeting as “Date Zero,” because it’s not considered a first date until he asks you out. Once he meets you, sizes you up, and asks if he can see you again, bingo — that’s a first date! It means he has taken the step to pursue you and get to know you better.

Some strong, successful women think gender equality means there’s no longer any reason not to ask a man out. I hope after reading this post you get that letting the man pursue you works best. That’s the only way you’ll ever know if he’s really interested.

The proof is in his pursuit, and nothing else counts. So sit back and wait it out.

How long should you wait to ask to hang out again?

After five to six dates, you can initiate on occasion. Once in a relationship, everything equalizes and you won’t have to hold back.

But initially, it pays off big time to let a man lead and ask you out to discover if he’s wasting your time, boosting his ego or serious about getting to know you.

RELATED: 10 Questions To Ask A Guy To Find Out What His Intentions Are

Ronnie Ann Ryan is a Love & Cosmic Coach who has shared her sound advice and practical magic for mindful dating, love, and life with thousands of successful single women. Still wondering about asking that guy out? Listen to her free audio program, 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man.