Love

Ready For A Fresh Start In Your Relationship? Start With These 5 Crucial Steps

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couple not talking to each other

You’re ready for a fresh start and to make things better in your relationship.

You start thinking about it and even come up with a plan. You go online to find great support groups which leads to an online course and a stream of videos with great information.

You inundate yourself with knowledge and find out exactly what you need to do. You order the latest book on how to fix your relationship, write a list, and create a plan. You're an organized person, that's just how you roll. 

You get all of this together and share it with him. You’re excited to tell him as you set a time to talk about it more. He agrees (sort of).

RELATED: 9 Things Couples Can Do To Fix A Broken Relationship

What steps do you need to take for a fresh start so you can heal a relationship?

You’re inspired by what you’re learning and all the prep work. But as the day gets closer to talk with him about it, you get that gnawing feeling it’s not to going to happen. You can sense he’s not really that into it.

In fact, if you don’t bring it again, it probably won’t happen. You know this pattern so well. It happens over and over.

As you think about it, you start to boil. You can feel the frustration and disappointment building up inside your body. That familiar resentment, it’s so tiring. You wonder why he can’t see how important this is.

Your energy wanes as you begin to feel defeated and shut down.

You realize you’re starting to procrastinate and think, "No, not this time!" You muster up the energy to get moving and psyche yourself into it, "Where’s that plan again?"

You mention it to him and again, he agrees but you can tell, it doesn’t feel connected.

You’re not on the same page and that makes you sad. Even though you’re trying to get your second wind, it’s just not there. That initial "honeymoon" phase is fading

Someone texts you, you get distracted and you’re onto something else. It’s months later and you’re still in the same relationship, feeling the same emptiness and disconnection.

You think about leaving the relationship. Some part of you wants to leave but another part wants to work it out. So you opt for more of the same.

Sound familiar? Are you ready to change your pattern?

In order to get a fresh start and heal a relationship, here are 5 steps you need to take.

1. Have a goal

Visualize the end result. If you don’t know where you’re going, you won’t get there.

You must first see what you want and then you will have clarity on what to do next.

RELATED: How To Reconnect & Bring That 'In Love' Feeling Back To Your Relationship

2. Be more knowledgeable.

Learn what you need to do to get there. This is where all that online research is beneficial.

There’s a ton of great information out there, find what resonates best for you.

3. Extend an invitation.

Invite him to join you in changing things and give permission for him to say, "yes" or "no" to that invitation. He may not join you initially but, eventually, he might.

Either way, that’s valuable information for you moving forward.

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4. Plan. 

Create manageable steps to get you from where you are to where you want to be. Break it down and pace yourself as you see fit.

Everyone’s pace is different, find what works best for you.

5. Take action.

Action without a plan is chaotic, and a plan without action is a dream. It takes both. Consistency is key. Keep moving and before you know it, you’ll get there.

Now, these steps seem simple enough but most never get past the second or third step.

You will lose energy and motivation. It’s normal for the "honeymoon" phase to subside.

The number one thing you must do to stay on track is to find a way to be accountable. Whether it’s your sister, friend, mentor, or coach, having someone keep you accountable will make all the difference.

Statistics show that 92% of people who set goals never achieve them. Be the 8% that does!

RELATED: How A Good Marriage Can Heal Even The Deepest Personal Wounds

Britta Neinast is a relationship coach. For more information on her services, visit her website.

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This article was originally published at Facebook. Reprinted with permission from the author.