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The Best Photos for Online Dating & How to Create Them

Love, Self

Take photos that reveal the real you to attract a relationship that's from and for your soul.

Most of us want to date someone who really gets us, really likes us. And we also know how important our online dating photos are in attracting people, particularly the first or primary photo.

So, do your current photos show who you really are?

In photos, the eyes are so important. Not only because we are attracted to the physical properties of people’s eyes, also because we subconsciously “read” so much about each other in our eyes, as in the well-known phrase “eyes are the window to the soul.”

If your photos don’t reveal your eyes and show who you really are, potential dates won’t be able to see you. They’ll either be confused about who you are, or if you are “disguised,” they’ll actually be seeing someone else! If someone is attracted to your disguise, to get them to like you on a date, you’ll have to keep that disguise or façade up the whole time. How exhausting! And if you enter into a relationship this way, it is almost definitely doomed to fail.

We put on disguises so often in our online dating photos. For example, men are often taught to be funny – so they might present themselves on their profile or in their photos as more social and humorous than they really are. Their profiles might have jokes (beware of those that aren’t really funny or are "over the top" - unless you make jokes like this too). In photos, men might show themselves with more friends, at social gatherings or doing activities that are more fun than they usually participate in.

Women are often taught to not be too strong and powerful (they might intimidate the guys), so in photos they often portray coy, soft, and open facial expressions or stand with a curved or collapsed spine, giving the impression that they are more timid. Or they kink their neck, a form of body language that conveys held back, held down and held in expression, energy and communication.

How do you appear in your photos? Do your photos really look like and convey the real you? Do they show you in your power?

If not, here is a great way to take photos that do really look like the best parts of you and are more likely to attract people who want to date YOU:

Get ready

  • Get together with a friend you feel super comfortable with.
  • Dress in clothes that feel good to you, that are flattering and also super comfortable.
  • Be in a setting that shows your values (outside in nature, sitting in the living room, etc.).
  • Have your friend take your cell phone, turn off the sound, and turn on the camera.
  • Both of you think about the lighting, how close or far from you they are, etc. Keep in mind that you can always crop the photos (so further back a bit is likely better).
  • You actually want to stop thinking about taking photos for dating. See if you can completely forget…

The shoot

  • Have your friend ask you questions to get you talking about what you most love to do. Where are you and what is happening when you feel most at ease, joyful, engaged, when you’re making a great contribution to others, etc. What are those activities? It might be with people or alone, doing part of your work, being with your family, out on a weekend activity, doing a hobby, home reading, etc. Talk about this while you look at your good friend. 
  • Have your friend be aware of the camera so you are in the frame, but mostly they should have eye contact with you and be genuinely connecting with you as you answer this question. They can ask you more questions about this activity too, to make it a light conversation.
  • It is most important that you are thinking about and talking about what you love.
  • Have your friend hold the camera near their face, but not over their eyes, and not where you have too much attention on it. You want to forget the camera, forget about dating.

The photos

  • Have your friend take lots of photos, one after the other, without much attention. Have them do it quietly and subtly so you ignore the camera/phone. The two of you are in a conversation, with eye contact…
  • Take a lot of photos! Maybe 50 or more…
  • Afterwards, go through the photos. Most of them will be ridiculous. Your eyes will be closed or your mouth open in a weird way.
  • And then a few of them will be amazing. You’ll be radiating the best of you – the you that is engaged and alive, passionate and authentic.

These photos show the you that draws the best people in - the people who are really interested in the best version of you, the deepest and most true version of you.

It can feel scary to be so seen. And you are worth it. You are worth being with someone who wants YOU.

Include a few of these photos in your profile. Take one of the best, crop it if needed, and show a close-up of your face and your eyes in the first or primary photo of your online dating profile. This will allow potential dates to see and feel the real YOU.

This is how you’ll get the best dates and create the relationship of your dreams.

This is how to create a relationship that is from and for your soul.


Laureli Shimayo is a matchmaker and conscious dating coach who matches people based on their eyes. Learn more at www.ThriveTypes.com & www.DatingPatternsAndPurpose.com

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