5 Reasons Why Independence In A Relationship Is Both Healthy And Sex

Self, Health And Wellness

Some couples tear their hair out in frustration. Living and working in the same space, thanks to COVID 19, is for many challenging.
However, we should not leave out those couples for which, for at least one of them living and working is a total paradise. I have talked to people who have been married for thirty years and who were sure that being together 24-7 would be terrible, who found that it felt satisfying in ways they could not have imagined.
So what is the deal with relationships and independence? Couples have different styles of relating. Some people feel they want to be attached by the heap to their partners. Others feel the need to have time and space alone. The problem takes place when these two people are indeed one couple, and one desires one thing while the other craves the opposite. 
As a therapist, I could bring up all the reasons why people feel either the need to have space or the need for togetherness. However, in this article, I would like to talk to those that need affection and feel that when they are not together with their partners  100% of the time, they are not getting enough of what they need. Such feelings  bring a lot of pain  and trouble into the relationship, and that is why I would like to explain to them why Independence In a Relationship Is Both Healthy And Sexy/
 Independence is an ability that one acquires in growing up and in stages.   It is not a given with which one comes into the world. To the contrary,  we come in, very dependent. If all goes moderately well in your upbringing, by the time you are an adult, you will not need to be attached by the hip to another human being to feel good about yourself. 
Being independent (not detached and super independent as in "I do not need anything or anyone"), but separate as in "I can do my thing while you do yours" shows our partner that we are a grown-up human being. 
Now that I have told you what independence looks like, let me tell you the five reasons why it is healthy, and it can be sexy too.  
Most grown-ups want to be in a relationship with another grow-up. It is healthy. It is also sexy to go separate ways and come back enriched.
These are the reasons why being independent is healthy and sexy.

1) It shows you are an adult with adult needs. Healthy people want to be with adult partners.
2) You confirm that you trust yourself. Your partner will come back to you. There is nothing as sexy as self-assurance.
3) You show trust in your partner. It can be very sexy to know you are loved and trusted.
4) Being independent allows each of you to go and do your own thing and come back to each other with new experiences to share. Couples' guru therapist and speaker Esther Perel assure us that newness is one of the crucial qualities to keep bringing into our relationships.
5) Bringing novelty into the relationship is an integral part of maintaining a relationship alive. Innovation does not have to be awkward sexual positions. A movie you watched with friends, a food you tasted on your own.

There are myriad little things that you could explore doing in your way to independence. Trust me; they will help your relationship. Some examples are a walk on your own, time spent in the bathroom, alone doing a facial, reading your book, looking at your TV program. For some who struggle with independence, steps like the above mentioned may be significant. It may also be that you already do all those things. However, you do them under the pressure of "When will he/she be available to be together?" If that is you, make sure that you can do any of the above things in a relaxed manner, knowing that the two of you will come back together. Enjoy your independence!

Iréné Celcer is a psychotherapist and an author working on the topic of relationships living in Atlanta, Georgia, and Buenos Aires, Argentina. For more information, visit her website.
 

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