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5 Reasons Why Men Pull Away (When You Literally Don’t Know What Went Wrong)

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Relationship Advice For Why Men Pull Away When Dating Or In A Relationship
Love, Heartbreak

Does your dude seem distant?

There are many reasons why men pull away in relationships, but when you're the one experiencing this, it might be difficult to understand. Relationships are hard work, and when it feels like you're the only one putting any effort in while he slips farther out, it's beyond frustrating.

Sometimes, all you want to do is easily understand what's going on so you can figure out whether you want to fix it or just break up.

So why do men pull away in relationships? 

There are many different scenarios that can shed light on why this may be happening, give you a different perspective to reflect on, and make this stop once and for all.

It's a common trend in today's society, and you've probably been directly affected by it or are afraid of experiencing it with a man you're interested in.

In 21st century dating, men often find it hard to commit to a woman, especially when there are so many outside sources that hinder commitment.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Men Pull Away From Good Relationships

Many women are not being authentic and true to who they are and what they want. There's a saying that goes, "Once sex got easier to get, love got harder to find." And this may be true to an extent. 

Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to dating instability right off the bat. Not every man you meet is going to have the same intentions. 

It's important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you're aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.

Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot relationship red flags instantly and become more admirable.

If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you late night texts to come over and "watch a movie".

Sincere men put in the effort. Stop settling, because good men are out there!

RELATED: 15 Definitive Signs You Snagged A Good Man (As Written By One)

One of the reasons men pull away when dating a woman is because they recognize a challenge that they're not used to.

She gives in to him because she likes him and starts settling and making excuses for his lazy or inappropriate behavior. There are many times when a man shows signs that he is not ready for a relationship with his words and behavior, but the woman continues dating him.

Instead of pushing yourself toward him in the hopes of changing his mind, dig deep into your feelings. If you can control your feelings by maintaining a friendship, then go for it. This doesn't mean being "friends with benefits". Being friends with benefits makes it easy for him to get what he wants and often results in him pulling away anyway and becoming distant. 

Maintaining a real friendship without an attachment of the desired outcome can give him the opportunity to see you in a different light when he is ready. It's important to keep your options open and not focus all of your energy on one person.

If you cannot control your feelings, then do not maintain a relationship with this person. It’s vital to any starting point in dating or a relationship to be clear about each other’s expectations.

If you are looking for a relationship, then let the other person know early on! If not, then say so. Many women who date men for months on end, only to end up getting hurt because it became a purely physical "modern relationship" in which the man never truly committed.

The two never set the expectations or the woman sits in silence out of fear of being pushed away, hoping he would come around and left wondering, "Does he like me?"

It’s essential to understand that men are natural born hunters who enjoy the chase. If he is interested in having you as his girlfriend, he will show you this with his actions.

RELATED: If He Does These 7 Things, He Really Wants To Be With You

Be careful to never settle for a man who isn't giving you 100 percent with his actions but is saying everything with his words. This is where a lot of women run into trouble in their search for a good man. Pay attention to his actions more than his words.

Several women say, "He was so into me in the beginning, he courted me and showered me with gifts, said all the right things, and was so eager to make me his." But then once this man gets what he wants he moves on, and his actions start to change slowly.

This type of man can be called "the snake."

They tend to be very narcissistic but also tend to get what they want often. They have a thrill of the chase and they see a significant reward for their ego when they've won their prize.

A little relationship advice: Be very careful of a man who is too forward in the beginning. Take your time and challenge someone who may be extremely forward. So many women fall for a man like this because they are hopeless romantics.

And you are pretty amazing! So, when you a see a man showing you so much affection and attention, you think, "Wow he is so different!" Right? Then you play this emotional mind game in your head stating "I would be stupid if I let this go."

So, if the man you're dating is showing signs of pulling away, here are 5 things you need to be aware of:

1. You are not what he is looking for

If a man is honest and tells you he does not want a relationship, then as a woman, you should honor his truth in telling you this.

Take a moment to reflect and understand that you may need to pull away. If he also gives you the popular one-liner by saying, "I'm just seeing where things go", proceed with caution. This is not a committed answer, so why would he want to commit to you? This is just an answer to lure you away from the truth in hopes to keep you around for what he is in search of; pleasure and attention.

Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this, the easier it will become. 

2. He is a player

As women, it's important to understand how and when to pay attention to dating red flags. We all come across players. The difference is whether or not you continue to date them after you spot red flags.

He was so into you at the beginning, but it could be a sign that he's thrilled about the chase and will simply get bored easily. He will call you daily, text you hourly, and talk about how beautiful you are and how happy he is to have met you. He might even go that extra mile and mention that he's looking for a relationship.

But, the difference with this relationship is that he is all in, right away, and it seems to good to be true — it's hot and heavy early on, and sometimes you feel like you can’t even catch a breath. You might get excited and think "Oh my, he is so amazing!" But, in the end, it fizzles out as quickly as it began.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What does he talk about with you? Are they in-depth conversations or surface level conversations?
  • Does he set or plan dates and then follow through on a consistent basis?
  • Does he remember the things you tell him?
  • Is he hot and cold and does his phone go off often late at night?
  • Does he ask you to his house often for sleepovers or does he properly court you?
  • Does he stick to his word or does he say "Let’s hang out Friday" and then contacts you on Sunday?
  • Does he have a lot of photos of himself with different women on social media?
  • Does he tell you everything you want to hear and lays it on heavily in the beginning? He paints a picture perfect idea that you get attached to, and when it doesn't happen you find yourself saying, "But he was into me when he first met me…What happened?"

3. He's really not that into you

This one may be hard to swallow because we value ourselves so highly as women and no one likes a blow to the ego or rejection, but it’s important to talk about. Oftentimes, a man will show you signals of commitment but not want to commit to getting to know you.

There are two principal reasons for this. Either they just don’t have an interest in you and don’t want to hurt your feelings or you fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the chase of getting their "prize". 

Here are a couple of common scenarios why he loses interest:

  • They do not share the same vision of the future.
  • They see that their values are not aligned.
  • They notice that a woman does not adhere to their goals or their requirements in the relationship.
  • They lose attraction because you become too clingy.
  • He just isn't attracted to you anymore. It might not feel natural to him.

4. You fell in love with him too easily

Typically, men love to see their woman as a prize that they need to work for. They see the woman that they choose to be with as an accomplishment and as someone that took work to earn.

It might sound a little silly but it’s true. Men love to know a woman who is confident, has a mind of her own, and isn't easy to get. So, men pull away when women get too clingy.

Do not start canceling all your plans to be available to him every day all day. Keep him on his toes a little to make him wonder where you stand sometimes.

Asking him what he is doing every minute of every day and planning things to do without giving him the opportunity to say "yes" or "no" can be signs you are becoming clingy and falling too easily for him.

As we all know, it should be a mutual chase between the man or the woman. If the balance is off, it becomes too easy for him to take you for granted.

RELATED: Why He's Pulling Away From You (And Exactly What To Do About It)

5. He has personal troubles

Now, a lot of men will not be in a relationship if they don’t feel secure within themselves. This is especially true if the woman is someone beautiful and independent. For example, a man may pull away if he is not financially secure at the moment.

This is something that may help him feel superior and confident so he doesn't have to wonder if he is good enough for you.

Also, he may have certain health issues that he is not comfortable telling you about until he figures things out on his own. Another reason could be instability and or unhappiness related to his job. This can be an additional source of stress.

Men tend to feel as though they need to feel confident or protected with their primary sources of freedom: money, health, and work.

What to do when men pull away:

Simple: you pull away too. Do not contact him. Concentrate on your own growth, reflect on what you've learned from the dynamics of the relationship, and move forward with your personal goals. Be clear about your expectations and your needs. If they aren't met, then move on and see if he'll ever come around because if he doesn't, someone else will!

Understand that you must wholly and profoundly love yourself in order to freely give love to another. This is the healthiest form of love you can receive in life. Challenge yourself and dig deeper, heal, and work through any past experience that has tested you today!

RELATED: 8 Reasons Why A Man Pulls Away When He's Falling In Love

Apollonia Ponti is a dating and relationship expert and certified coach. Get started on your journey with her today by downloading 7 Free Videos To Master Your Love Life.

This article was originally published at Apollonia Ponti. Reprinted with permission from the author.