7 Ways You're Standing In The Way Of Epic, Life-Long Love

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7 Self-Sabotaging Thoughts That Can Keep You From Finding Love

I'll tell it to ya straight: You just might be sabotaging yourself from finding the love of your life.

The good news is that self-sabotage is a problem that can be corrected. You don't have to keep standing in the way of your dream life, your dream body, and your dream relationship — if you're willing to do what it takes to get out of your own way.

With that being said, the number one way to sabotage yourself is with the negative thoughts that you think.

Your thoughts are where your life, your body, and all of your relationships are created. Your thoughts determine whether or not you'll put yourself in the position to find the love of your life, or stay alone forever.

RELATED: Don’t Let Past Unhealthy Relationships Keep You From Finding Love!

Your thoughts determine your behaviors, which will determine your bank account, your body, and your boyfriend you could have 6 months from now, due to the action you take today.

It's all up to you. Your thoughts create your reality and if you don't like the results you're living, then your mind is the first place to start making changes. 

If you want to find the love of your life, if you want to achieve permanent weight loss, or if you want to build the business of your dreams, it will all depend on your mindset, which is made up of your thoughts.

If you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror or if you don't like spending your weekends alone then raise your level of awareness of those thoughts you've been thinking! And then start changing those negative, self-sabotaging thoughts.

All change is preceded by awareness. So, if you're constantly asking, "Why can't I find love?", take a look at 7 self-sabotaging thoughts that can keep you from finding the love of your life:

1. "There's no one out there for me."

If you've experienced several disappointments in dating and relating, it's can become way too easy to start thinking negative, general assumptions that will sabotage you from finding the love of your life. Thinking the thought "there's no one out there for me" is one of them!

The truth is that there are 7 billion people on this planet and if you allow your mind and heart to open up to the possibilities, then it just might follow that the love of your life is out there now, alive, and on this planet at this very moment. 

But if you persist in thinking there's no one out there for you, then you'll isolate yourself so that you won't have a chance to meet anyone new! See how that works? 

2. "I'm un-loveable until..."

This is a common, self-sabotaging negative thought that many of my weight loss coaching clients are in the habit of thinking before they start working with me.

Their self-sabotaging thought is that they are un-loveable until they lose weight. What this thought does, however, is it makes it easier to continue emotional eating and binge eating, which only perpetuates the unhealthy struggle they are living with. 

While I do agree that it's definitely best (and smart!) to heal your eating disorders before getting into a relationship (if you want the best relationship possible!), the truth is that you are loveable now as you are.

But do you know who the most important person in your life is who needs to acknowledge how loveable you are?

That person is you. 

3. "I can't."

"I've failed too many times, I can't put myself out there again, I just can't!"

Well, that's a powerful thought. A powerful negative thought that will sabotage you from finding the love of your life!

Here's the truth: If you believe you can, you can. If you believe you can't, you're right! Believing you can't attract the love of your life will keep you alone and lonely forever.


Because your beliefs rule your life. Whatever you believe, the Universe will reflect back to you. In fact, you will ensure that your beliefs come true because if your results did not match your beliefs, you would be "crazy", and you won't allow yourself to be crazy. 

Therefore, persist in thinking "I can't" and you won't. You will prove this to be true.

What if, instead you were to think "I can" and stop sabotaging yourself?! Now that would be a simple fix, wouldn't it! 

4. "I don't have time to date."

To quote A Course In Miracles: "You always have time for that which you value most." 

Thinking the thought "I don't have time to date" is a sure-fire way to sabotage yourself and keep yourself from finding the love of your life because it's going to take time to build a healthy relationship. 

And here's something interesting to consider: Since you always have time to spend on whatever you want most to spend your time on, what if you're wasting time on unhealthy activities like binge eating in front of the TV (for example) due to hidden fears that are stopping you from getting out there and dating?

Just a thought! And if this rings true for you, note that it's your fears that need a healing and in doing that, you'll notice a shift in your binge eating and your socializing, too. It's an inside-out process if you really want to create the life, the body, and the relationship of your dreams.

RELATED: There's One Thing That's Stopping You From Finding Love (And It's An Easy Fix!)

5. "There's always someone better around the corner or on the next profile."

Online dating sites easily lead to a false thought in the minds of online daters that there's always "someone better" a click away. It's easy to think there is an abundance of "options" out there for you, which will keep you on the hamster wheel of searching forever, without ever landing in the lap of the love of your life.

The truth is, you don't have a never-ending number of options unless you're actively dating a number of real-life men face to face.

Pictures on a website are not options; they are just a way to keep yourself safe without ever finding the love of your life while you keep "looking".

Perhaps a more productive way to go would be to focus your attention on who you're dating now and give it some time, especially if who you're dating now is fun and enjoyable to spend time with.

Relationships take time and bailing on the one you're with is a self-sabotage due to the thought that there's always someone "better" out there.

While there are billions of people on the planet and I'm not suggesting that anyone get into an unhealthy relationship "just to be in a relationship", is it possible that you won't be struck by a lightning bolt the moment you meet the love of your life?

Is it possible that the love of your life could be in your life now but you can't see him because you're constantly looking around the corner?

Can you see how this thought of "There's someone better around the corner/on the next page" can sabotage you forever unless you let it go?

6. "All men suck/cheat/are losers."

Any negative belief you hang onto that begins will "All" is pretty darned limiting because it's a blanket statement you're applying to ... well ... all! 

The truth is that not ALL men cheat. The truth is that not ALL men are losers.

The truth is that some men cheat, some men are "losers" ("loser" being dependent on the opinion of others), the truth is that some men act like jerks, but that does not mean that ALL men are anything.

Just like ALL women are not "crazy" as some men like to say. What about you? Do you consider yourself to be crazy? Then the "ALL" statement doesn't apply here either.

Persisting in thinking blanket, negative thoughts such as "All men cheat, lie, and leave" will only sabotage you from finding the love of your life because holding onto a belief like this will guarantee you isolate yourself (and maybe even emotionally eat!) and decline any invitations to date that might come your way.

7. "I'm not good enough."

I'm not good enough is the most common limiting belief of the human race and this is often the starting point for transformation for many of my weight loss coaching clients.

It's critical that this limiting belief be transformed and replaced with an empowering belief, because "I'm not good enough" has so many branches that impact all areas of your life. 

For example, if you believe "I'm not good enough", then it's easy to believe "I'm not good enough to lose weight" or "I'm not good enough to attract the man of my dreams" or "I'm not good enough to stop binge eating because I'm not good enough and therefore I have to keep struggling alone, because I'm not good enough to get the coaching I need because I'm not good enough to deserve help..." and on and on and on.

How can you find the love of your life when you believe you're not good enough to meet him?

To sum it up, all relationships in your life start with the relationship you have with yourself, and your relationship with yourself starts in your own mind with the thoughts you consistently think.

If your mind is filled with positive, empowering, self-loving thoughts, then it will be easy for you to put yourself out there to find the love of your life.

But when your mind is filled with negative, limiting beliefs that color your world lonely, then it's easy to isolate, overeat, feel bad, and keep thinking those negative thoughts that only serve to sabotage the best life, the best body, and the best relationship you'd really rather have.

Start by raising your awareness of what you're thinking. Even the simple action of writing your negative thoughts down pen on paper will serve to slow down the hamster wheel of negative, self-sabotaging thinking by bringing light to those dark and lonely thoughts that keep you from finding the love of your life. 

Write those thoughts down and at least you've got a place to start. Avoid noticing them though, and it's easier to keep thinking them, just because you've done it so long.

RELATED: 5 Easy Ways To Open Yourself Up To Finding True Love (Finally!)

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JoLynn Braley is a permanent weight loss coach since 2009. She has been coaching awesome women (and a few cool men!) through her proven, step-by-step system The Inner Self Diet, the non-diet which ends emotional eating, end binge eating, and makes weight loss last. Learn more about the inner secrets that make weight loss last in JoLynn's Free eBook.

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