Indonesian Man Allegedly Marries Cow

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Indonesian Man Allegedly Marries Cow
Entertainment And News

And now from the files of the prurient, this one may make you look at Indonesia a little bit differently.

First, it was the 2-year old smoking cigarettes on YouTube that was from the archepeligo nation (luckily, that little scamp went down to 15 smokes a day and only 3 bottles of Nicorette formula). And then, they seemed to have forced a guy to marry a cow!

The story goes that allegedly in 2010, a young man, 18-year-old Ngurah Alit from a village called Yeh Embang, was briefly enchanted by a member of the bovine species.

And, get ready for the cringe, made it with that cow. Yep, definitely feeling my last meal coming up right about now.

He had believed the cow was a young and beautiful woman who had paid him some flattering compliments. Wait, do cows talk now? Because the last time I checked, they didn't. 

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Clearly, we're dealing with a somewhat less than a full deck or the young man was accurate in his assessment that the cow shape shifted into the form of a comely woman and seduced him.

His friends and neighbors were nearly as incredulous as you or I may have been, and solved the beastiality problem the only way you can: by feeding the beast.

Taking a note from the bad parenting playbook (like when you catch your kid smoking and make them finish a pack so they'll associate smoking with sickness), the town elders had him marry the cow. The headman said (in effect), "If you love that cow so much, why don't you marry her?"

So, marry her he did.

Unfortunately, during the ritual, Alit passed out and his mother started screaming.

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(How was she not already screaming after finding out that her son wanted to marry a cow? This I'll never know.) 

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And then a villager had weighed in with their two cents: "Poor kid. He’s actually a quiet kid." I'm not sure how helpful this assessment had been at the moment, but it's good to know a little more about the prospective groom from a writing standpoint.

And then, after making the man marry the uddered mammal, the villagers drowned her. They also pretended to drown the groom in order to exorcise the village of the shameful spirit of bestiality.

Chief Ida Bagus Legawa then declared the village to be officially "cleansed from the defilement from the incident," and everyone went about their day. 

A minor irony of whole thing is that the young gigolos of Kuta (a relatively short drive up the southern coast of Bali) are referred to as "Kuta Cowboys." Hey, hot shot, why don't you take a trip up the coast and find out what a real cowboy is?

Not so glamorous, is it? And stop giving kids smokes, while you're at it. Sheesh.

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Tom Miller is a writer and performer based in New York. He's been the general manager and coordinating video producer at YourTango for 12 years. His side-chick is acting and improvised comedy.

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Editor's Note: This article was originally posted on June 2010 and was updated with the latest information.

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